i shouldnt even have to say this but bc the psychic vampires inhabiting this website require a public disclosure of ur own personal trauma along w an acceptable amount of social capital i am doing so in the hopes that ppl will understand why james is a fundamentally unsafe & untrustworthy person.
james follows a classic pattern of abusive behavior in their relationships. when we first met online we bonded heavily about our abusive families, abusive partners, etc. in every single abusive relationship ive been in, thats how it starts. abusers uncover ur trauma so that they can use it against u. for me & for uzoma, we were both used to being manipulated, being lied to, being psychologically abused. uzoma told me some of the things james said to her & im not going to repeat them but theyre nasty. parental style verbal abuse.
i know for a fact that their relationship w uzoma was founded on a lie. not just lying about their age, but lying about their relationship with me. james agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with uzoma & that had already happened while they were dating me, when they visited me in florida, while they were having sex w me, & while they were ALSO making sexual advances to other people online. which explains why they were so hesitant to post a picture of us kissing on tumblr while they were there, bc uzoma found out, obviously, but the both of us were so deeply invested in our relationship w them we let it go. after one of their “breakups” w uzoma, james said they wanted to date me again, & literally a few days later said Nevermind bc they were getting back together w uzoma. which is why it’s ironic that james claims uzoma was tugging them around. & im positive that their relationship w me was a tool they used to leverage getting uzoma to come back to them. i told them afterwards that i did not want to pick up a romantic or sexual relationship w them again, ever, specifically because of that pattern. but when they moved to portland, the first time we hung out, james kissed me. & that leads into my next point:
i do not doubt for a second uzoma’s claim that james is a rapist. i know this because, when they were visiting me in florida, they were initiating sex constantly. literally constantly, in the car, any time we were alone, they would initiate this and they NEVER asked me, a single time, if i wanted to have sex. it wasn’t until over a year later that i realized how uncomfortable i was with sex (& then started identifying as asexual out of a nebulous sense of trauma founded upon sexual assault). i dont know what i would have said if james had ever asked me if i Wanted to have sex, im actually positive i wouldnt have said Yes every time, but they did not give me even that chance. it was taken as a given. obviously a Flagrant violation of “consent culture,” which they claim to be an advocate for, but actions speak louder than words.
i visited james & uzoma in virginia twice. it’s funny to me how james talks abt uzoma “controlling” them bc it was obvious where the power was. james made the decisions, even abt whether me and my roommate could stay there, despite uzoma being very uncomfortable about what had happened between the three of us at the start of their relationship (reasonable, given she had good cause to believe that james couldn’t be trusted to stick w the terms of what was supposed to be a monogamous relationship). uzoma was visibly uncomfortable & quiet the entire time, a look that im used to now in abusive relationships. even my roommate, who had never met or talked to or known about either of them before, commented on that fact. but, same as with the shit that happened between the three of us years ago, i ignored it bc i trusted them so deeply that i couldn’t even begin to imagine them as being an unsafe person.
when i first confronted james about the information i had learned from uzoma & another friend, they acted confused, said they had no idea why uzoma would call them a rapist, which i would expect from a person like james. right now, looking at their blog, theyve gone full force the opposite direction & are now claiming that uzoma was the one who abused them. but that is not at all what they said when i talked to them about it. in fact, in their words, they literally said to me about that relationship “I guess what matters is the repercussions and the fact of the matter is I AM a huge reason if not THE reason that that relationship was so unhealthy.” they also acknowledged that the relationship was abusive. they told me they wanted to talk to me in person to “explain WHY the relationship was abusive.” but im not about to do that specifically because of the amount of control james has had, in my life, over my emotions & my opinions. theyve taken a complete 180 at this point from admitting culpability to saying that they were the victim the whole time. another pattern abuser behavior.
the truth about the whole thing is obviously complicated and theres no 100% definitive statements anyone can make about it. like a friend told me when i told her about another abusive relationship i had had, “you don’t know how deep the pot is, only how long your spoon is.” but i have a pretty fuckin long spoon. and i know how to spot a manipulative, abusive person, and given the information i now have, after talking with both james and uzoma, & reflection upon our own relationship, i do feel certain saying james is NOT a safe person to be around. theyre not a person u can trust.
james accused uzoma in another post of “messaging one of my best, oldest friends that i’m DANGEROUS,” in reference to me, but im curious to see how long that description holds up after ive posted this. thank u all for reading but also the fact that i need to say all of this for people to believe uzoma is severely fucked. and anyone who believes her now who doubted her beforehand needs to reflect on their own thought patterns when it comes to abuse. who gets to call out abuse, who to believe, etc. if it’s the person in the room with the most social capital, u fucked up.
James’ current url is wutheringh/ags as a note to anyone reading this that wants to avoid their posts/avoid spreading their ““callout”“ of Uzoma
my experience w james boywitch AKA why u should all believe uzoma
Published
Spiteful Intervention 